Chapter Three

Engaging with a monastic process is not the same as being a monk or being a Christian. It's a process of learning practically and theoretically what it is to live like a monk, in a monastic community, with other monks.

So the next step was to learn a little about the bible. And in particular, The New Testament. And we did this in the form of bible study with Abbot Christopher.

I still struggle with The Bible. I don't believe that it's all true, and furthermore I don't see how it can be. There are too many unanswered questions in it for me to be able to stand up hand on heart and swear by its total authenticity. Science and Darwinism disprove it out of hand.

However, I do believe it is a brilliant learning tool or manifesto, which expresses the ethos of Christianity in a beautifully considered way and engages the reader in its metaphor and ideology.

And I was able to familiarise myself with extracts and parables within it which gave me a better understanding of my life and how to live it in a better way. I was able to see myself in certain characters in the scriptures and work out in my mind where I was going wrong and how I could make it right.

For the record I believe that a lot of what the bible contains is the truth and did happen, but I feel it's been embellished and coloured-up to present the basics of Christianity through Christ's life on earth in an easily digestible way. And it's very clever for this reason.

Now whilst all this was happening I was forging relationships with my four new housemates, which allowed us to form a community within the broader monastic community at Worth.

And I was able to explore new human relationships with Gary, Nick, Peter and Anthoney and apply what I was learning to those relationships as I engaged further with the project.

There were times when we didn't get on. And there were times when our accommodation block was more like Butlin's than a monastery.

But on the whole it worked well and any significant problems were worked through and talked through and ultimately worked out.

Then I hit a lull.

About three weeks in I'd had enough. It wasn't exciting anymore. I was emotionally drained, physically fatigued and becoming disillusioned with the whole thing.